Saturday, October 27, 2007

Now back to your regularly scheduled weight loss pattern...

Well, at least I had an idea it might be coming.

The fact that I lost weight for three weeks in a row was intoxicating stuff. Heady stuff. Stuff that had me optimistic and happy. But when I woke up this morning and could barely get my rings on, I knew my streak would come to an end.

Sure enough, got to my meeting, stepped on the scale and there it was. A nice, little, lovely 1-pound gain. Ugh.

Thankfully, the weigher didn't say anything, just noted my weight and sent me on my merry way. No offense to all the folks doing the weigh-ins across America, but a lot of us aren't chatty when that happens. I hate the "What happened?" question or the "You'll lose it next week" comment. In that split second, I'm upset. I don't want to talk about it. I want to take my papers, listen to my leader and start a new week.

Which is what I did. But part of me can't help but wonder what happened and why. The only difference from this week to last was that we eat out twice, instead of once. Okay, that's not bad. I didn't go over my points, but for the first time in this journey, I had to tap into eating activity points. I usually don't like to do that. And I won't again. Even though APs are designed to be eaten, for most of this journey, I haven't eaten them. The one week I did, I gained. I'm not going down that road again.

But that said, part of me seriously wonders if I've hurt my body with all the countless, unsuccessful efforts to lose weight. I've read in countless health magazines how bad yo-yo dieting is for the body. And I'm ashamed to say it, but I've been one of those yo-yo dieters.

I've been dieting as long as I can remember; I started my first serious weight loss effort when I was 14. Lost weight, gained it back. My next serious effort came in my early 20's, when I saw myself in a picture and didn't recognize who I was. Midway through that journey, Mr. CCC proposed and I had a new-found reason to stay on plan.

But about a month before the wedding, the stress of my job, of buying a home, of putting the final touches on the wedding plans got to me. I didn't have the motivation to count points, weigh my foods and go to meetings. So I stopped WW and didn't pick it up again until about a year after the wedding--when I'd gained about 25-30 pounds.

There were fruitless efforts there too. My mind wasn't right and I'd quit after a few weeks. Then I'd try again. Eventually, I ended up at Jenny Craig at my highest weight ever. But that too petered out after a few months and that brought me where I am now.

For the first time in my life, my head is in the right place. Save a few weeks here and there, I do have my mojo going. Yesterday, I didn't want to go to the gym. I was miserable, but I made myself go. When we ate out, I stayed within my points and passed up all the evil goodies my husband and parents were having.

I've traded my Starbucks for healthy, low-fat smoothies at Jamba Juice. I've traded my fast-food meals for healthier options. I want to do this, I want to put forth the effort, but my body seems to be resistant.

Has it finally gotten fed up? Have I finally blown my metabolism to smithereens? Is that why no matter what I do, my little "pattern" has shown up--two losses and a gain, two losses and a gain, now three losses and a again.

It's seriously sobering and maybe I have done my body wrong. Heaven knows I've certainly had plenty of nasty words for my body. Maybe my body now has a nasty message for me. I really don't know. But I am scared...scared that 15+ years of gaining and losing weight have taken their toll. Because on paper, everything should be going well.

For the first time in my life, I'm exercising consistently. I love sitting down on Saturday or Sunday afternoons, flipping through my cookbooks to look for healthy recipes for the week. I'm eating more veggies. I'm drinking more water.

You think my body would be happy that for once, I'm treating it well. But it just seems so determined to hang on to every ounce of fat it can.

I've said before I've felt this was going to be a long, hard fight. Nothing made that more evident than my weigh-in today. By all accounts, looking at the facts, I shouldn't have gained. But I did.

And that's what has me thinking...is my body finally fed up with me? And if it is, do I have any hope of changing it?

10 comments:

Heather said...

I think we are all afraid that what we are doing isnt working and its hard when you are on that high of losing losing losing, and then you see a gain. Even though you dont like to hear the comment, you will lose it again!

I know what you mean, my weight has gone up and down for several years now and I wonder sometimes if i have done any damage to my body as a result. But it sounds like you are making some great choices so I think you are taking care of your body and it may be a slow process to get it off (slower than it was years ago), it will come off.

SarahA said...

I don't think you've done permanent damage to your metabolism. I recently read an article about the truths about metabolism and weight gain (or not being able to lose weight) is very rarely due to metabolism problems, unless of course you have health issues. I think your metabolism is probably just fine.

I've had water weight issues over the past two months two. Every 4 weeks I weigh in and have "gained". I put that in quotes because it is water retention, not really a gain. With you waking up with your fingers swollen you can almost be guarenteed that you did not gain a pound of fat in the last week. The truth of the matter is you probably lost fat but are holding on to some extra water right now. You really shouldn't allow yourself to beat yourself up over it. Women's bodies are so complex and to punish yourself or make yourself feel badly because of water weight is a bit backwards. (I just came to this conclusion after my last weigh in and then 2 days later being significantly lighter once the swelling was gone). It's not that you can help retaining a bit of water now and again. It's not fat. It's not due to laziness. It's not due to poor eating. It has no relation to points... it's just the way our bodies are.

Put this weigh-in behind you. Have a good week. Drink heaps of water. Eat some watermelon or asparagus (that's what some girls told me helped with water weight) and enjoys next weeks big drop. It only makes sense that you'll keep losing the fat AND lose the water weight so you'll be soaring once again.

Keep on truckin!

Scale Junkie said...

I know what you are going through. My body is fighting me and holding on to weight. I've never had such a difficult time losing weight and yes I'm also a yoyo dieter. Lose 50, gain 60, lose 60, gain 70...yeah, you get the idea.

I stay within my calorie limit and those foods making up those calories are for the most part, healthy and nutritious foods. I'm exercising too, every single day. So why are our bodies fighting us?

If you find the answer to this, please let me know.

People will say, you are building muscle, its sodium retention and yes, in most cases I'm sure its true but it still doesn't change the fact that I want that damn scale to give me a good number...a lower number...today I just feel like I'm ready to start a new day but maybe I need to tweak something.

Teale said...

Honestly, the first thing I thought when I read about your rings being tight was "ooh, she's retaining water!" I have the same problem w/my rings when I am.

Mimi said...

I think a problem you had today was that you "Knew" you were going to gain weight this week. You were "expecting" it like you say.. -stop that. What happened was you mentally assumed you were going to end your lucky streak and you mentally went to eat out twice and so you mentally dug into your AP because your mind was already set to "FCUK it, you lucked out of 3 weeks now its time for a gain" NO what you have to say is YES i've lost for 3 weeks straight and the 4th week will be just as good!!! BE POSITIVE ALWAYS!! and your mind will be so pumped and obsessed with it you will NOT dig into your AP, you will see postive results.

I'm not sure about Yo-Yo dieting but you know what? its time to make your body stick to the skinny side of the yo-yo. Your body just misses the good stuff. Heck, I freakin love pizza but i've decided I can't have it once a week anymore because although I love pizza its bad for me and my body so when co-workers ordered pizza on Thursday I went to Subway. Just say NO. Its like a freaking drug and we are addicted to the bad stuff thats why our body misses it and asks for it but we have to let go....

Good Luck, don't give up this is for YOUR health and Your future babies. Show them good examples and live a long healthy life!!

Lauren said...

You are doing great and it's really really normal to have a week where you gain, at least I think so, I've been doing this thing to weigh myself every day and write down what I eat and what my patterns are just to see what my body does when it comes time for my TOM. Also with the finger swelling thing, sounds like it's just water weight. Something you probably already knew, don't mind me.. Anyway, you are doing awesome, keep it up.

Lora said...

Don't fret about the scale! The numbers there do NOT tell the whole story! As you continue to exercise - you'll gain muscle as you lose fat and it won't show up on the scale the way you want it to. Use a tape measure and keep track of the inches lost. THAT'S the only way to truly tell.

I'm positive you haven't "ruined" your body with past dieting! Just keep at all the good things you're doing !

Erin said...

One of the hardest things I've had to accept for myself is that I have a weird pattern of losing weight. I will hoooooollllld onto 3-4 pounds for two or three weeks and then suddenly one day they'll be gone. At the time, when my head is so far into the actual numbers and the weigh-ins and the calorie counting, every time I gain a pound or two in a week is devastating news. When I go back and look at a graph or a table of my overall weight loss, though, I'm amazed that the downward trend is pretty much steady.

So maybe this down for a few, then up a little bit is your pattern? I know that's not much consolation in the heat of the moment, but you're absolutely doing all the right things so it's definitely going to be worth something in the long run.

I love the way you express internal struggles like that so articulately, and I especially appreciated this post right now because I'm starting to creep upward again, too. We'll hang in there, though.

Once Upon A Dieter said...

It could just be salt. Eating out, you said you did it twice. Well, unlike at home, restaurants don't give a fudge about fat or salt. They pile it on. So, that 1 pound may just be bloat from eating out. Seriously.

And weight does fluctuate. Any little hormonal or electrolyte shift can make changes. The proof is in the long-term pudding, not just week to week, I believe.

If by the end of a month, two months, three months, you're still going DOWN, then you're doing okay.

Mir

iCANdothis said...

hi... i just joined WW and a gym and this blog and i hope you dont mind that i read some of yours... i hope we can be a support for each other if that's okay with you!