Friday, January 20, 2012

Does this thing still work?

Yeah, I know. I abandoned ship. A long time ago.

But get this...I'm still trying to lose weight. All while trying to adjust to my new role as mom. And that means, a new blog.

Swing by. Say hello. I promise, for the most part, I'm still me.

You can find my new online home at Diaper, Wipes, Shoes & Wine.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Looking back...and forward.

So 2008 is over. It's a natural time for reflection. For introspection. For seeing what positive steps I took over the course of the past year.

I'm not one of those New Year's resolution types. I don't believe in them and think most of the time, they just set you up to fail...and then feel miserable about it. But I certainly don't mind taking a step back at the end of every year and looking back at how my life changed over the course of 12 months.

Some years, there are remarkable moments to reflect the year I married Mr. CCC. Or how we bought our first house. The year I got my first real writing job. The year I lost more weight than I gained.

Looking back at 2008 I see...12 months with some significant changes here and there...Mr. CCC and I welcomed a niece (whom I adore!) into our family. My company may be struggling, but I'm doing some of the best work of my career, personally. Mr. CCC has come into his own at work too. I started volunteering at a local animal shelter--something I'd been wanting to do for years. I began training with Ms. A--and while I haven't seen the progress I would have liked totally, I know my body is stronger than it was a year ago. Overall, I'd say Mr. CCC and I are growing up---and slowly accepting that whole "we're adults now!" thing...

But my weight? Pretty much stayed the same.

Over the holidays, I beat myself up over that for quite a while. We posed for pictures on our New Year's cruise and in looking at them, I felt my heart break. Sometimes I've been able to fool myself into thinking I looked okay--with flattering clothes and great hair days. But cameras don't lie. And those pictures showed me I was still far heavier than I should be.

It wasn't exactly a new realization. Before the holidays, I went completely bananas and re-joined Weight Watchers for approximately the 325th time. Only a crazy person would join WW during the holidays but I figured if I could just get through the holidays by staying the same weight, I'd be ahead of the curve once New Year's passed.

Tomorrow, I'll head back to my meeting. I'll see if I met that goal. I'll also be back in the gym with Ms. A (Thanks to some sessions from Mr. CCC and my mom as Christmas gifts, yay!) and there will be no more looking backwards.

Sure, maybe 2008 didn't help me reach all the health goals I would have liked. But it taught me plenty and now it's time to move forward...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Reason #210,504,875,999 I relate to Biggest Loser

Since discovering NBC's Biggest Loser a few years ago, I have been hooked. It's motivation t.v. People bigger than me, in worse shape than me, literally working their butts off and reaching their goals. Even though yes, it's not the most realistic way to lose weight (Um, I've never lost 10 pounds in one week!), it's proof of how hard work and good eating can get you where you want to be.

But before I hired Ms. A, I always cocked my head sideways when I saw the contestants weep at the thought of losing Bob or Jillian and having to work out on their own. I'd tell myself, "But you've already learned what you need to do! Just GO DO IT!"

Well, I am now officially off my sassy horse. Because guess what...the past six weeks without Ms. A have been a disaster.

I didn't eat well. I didn't exercise as much as I should have. The endorphin kick that made me energized and happy completely evaporated. I became the person I was before I trained with her--nervous, scared and miserable.

So when she sent me a text message last week telling me her maternity leave was over, I was ecstatic. We set up an appointment and I had time to think. I admit--I was filled with dread. I knew when I walked back into the gym, Ms. A would make me pay for my six week hiatus.

The thought was a little terrifying. And then it became empowering. In the time I worked with Ms. A, she challenged me like no one ever has. But she never let me hurt myself. She never let me fail. She never let me fall. She believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.

So imagine my disappointment when I had to cancel my appointment with Ms. A this weekend. Why? I went and somehow ruptured a blood vessel in my eye--the day before we were to train. When I should have been in the gym, I was sitting in my optometrist's office making sure the redness in my eye was nothing serious. (Thank goodness, it's not.)

I finally had my workout with Ms. A this morning. First off, can I just say the SIGHT of the woman is an inspiration? She had a baby six weeks ago--and looks amazing. I almost tripped over myself when I saw her. But when we started working out, all of my worst fears came true. I got dizzy and light-headed. I couldn't do some of the things I'd been doing just six weeks ago. So we modified.

But the point was--I finished. I did what she asked me and while I crept out of the gym exhausted, I felt good for the first time in six weeks.

So there you have it...I'm one of those "I worship at the altar of my personal trainer" people. And I absolutely love it.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Where did my good habits go?

I know I've read the stat somewhere...that it takes 6-8 weeks (maybe more?) for a change in behavior to become a habit.

Whether it's 6, 8, or even 52 weeks, I know that for well over a year--possibly even two years--I've been eating breakfast. Yet on my last hiatus, eating breakfast was one of the first healthy habits I dropped.

Getting back into it has been tough. (Example: today's breakfast was a cup of skim milk and a 100-calorie Lorna Doone packet). As much as I love food, I am just not into breakfast. Eggs, toast, pancakes, yogurt...none of them appeal to me. When I was training regularly with Ms. A, I had to have breakfast. There was no way around it. If I didn't eat, I was going to pass out from the tough workouts she put me through.

So without her, both my workouts and runs to the breakfast table have been shamefully diminished. The good news is I'm tackling this breakfast thing head on this week. Goal is to do better every day than Lorna Doones and milk.

Even if that means low-fat PB & J sandwiches. (Hey, no one said breakfast actually had to BE breakfast, right?)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Picking myself up and dusting myself off...

One thing I've learned about myself over the past couple of months.

I can talk a really good game. I can't always follow through.

See my last post for proof. A month ago, I was telling myself to get back on track. To stop obsessing, to get myself going.

Here I am, weeks later, still saying the same thing. Opening the cupboard and feeling embarrassed about all the junk I've bought (and yes, eaten). Standing on the scale and berating myself for not stopping the downslide sooner. (In the past two months, I have gained almost six pounds. Yes, two vacations were tossed into that mix--one to Europe and one to Las Vegas, but I've been home for a while. No reason not to start up with the healthy habits again!)

Two years ago, I started trying to lose weight. The goal? Get myself in better shape and at a healthy weight to have a baby. I wanted to reach that before my 30th birthday.

My 30th birthday was three weeks ago. And not only was I not at my goal weight, I had turned my back on my healthy habits.

Despite all the positive, good things I was telling myself, I looked at the number on the scale and saw that no matter how much work I was putting in, it wasn't dropping. So I stopped putting the work in.

And surprise, surprise. If you stop exercising and you start eating packets of raw cookie dough, your weight will creep up again.

You don't get credit for the hard work you did in the past. Your body takes what you're doing in the present and runs with it.

So, two months of no effort resulted in a few gained pounds. My new clothes looked snugger and snugger. The pretty sleeveless dress I bought for my 30th birthday--the one so many sizes smaller than what I was two years ago--was actually, GASP--tighter on the big day. (Note to self: Thank heavens for Spanx!)

And yet even days after coming home from my 30th birthday trip, I couldn't make myself get back to the gym (It didn't help that Ms. A was on maternity leave and there was no one to push me.) I couldn't stop eating out. (And while eating out, I didn't exactly go for the healthy options.) I kept telling myself, "What's the point in working? The work wasn't paying off."

And viola, a few pounds smacked me back to reality.

Despite all the blogs I've written about not quitting, I did quit. I only thank heaven that I caught myself before a few pounds turned into 10 or 20, or God forbid, put me back at my starting weight.

So it's back to the drawing board. Back to the workouts, back to the journaling, back to the healthy eating. And back to blogging. It keeps me accountable. It gives me an outlet. It reminds me I am not alone.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Mea culpa...

A negligent blogger.

I suppose I should change the title of my little internet pet project because yes, I understand, I have been away far, far too long.

I could throw excuses on the about the business trip that drained me of my energy, the month of May in which I worked hours upon hours, the overdue vacation that finally put my mind right. All have contributed to my extended absence.

But the biggest truth is that I've been tired. Tired of obsessing about my weight. Tired of countless workouts and measured meals. Tired of feeling obligated to sit down and pour my heart out when, well, I wasn't sure exactly what I was feeling.

The past month and a half has been a roller coaster, weight wise. I wouldn't be lying if I said it just wasn't one of my top priorities. Doing well at my job has become the newest obsession--particularly because my company announced they are laying off between 50-60 of us in my division.

So yes, I've been working out with A. But I've inhaled more than a few balls of raw cookie dough. Yes, I've started volunteering at the local humane society (the one activity on my weekly calendar that truly relaxes me!), but I've had lunches out with my fellow volunteers when our shift ends.

The number on the scale has stayed the same.

This hasn't bothered me. I need to schedule more thyroid testing very soon, but my body has changed and I am finally starting to accept that itself is a sign of progress.

I am getting more compliments on my weight loss from those who haven't seen me in a while. I am able to complete the progressively more challenging workouts A designs. A few weeks ago, I bought a sleeveless dress that is four sizes smaller than the size I was when I started my weight loss efforts.

This has been enough for me, for now.

Is it complacent? Maybe. Like I said, I'm tired of focusing so much energy on one part of my life. So I haven't blogged--because I haven't felt very inspiring or very strong.

But just as I have for the past two years, I carry on. I keep trying to eat well, I keep trying to exercise. I don't berate myself for an occasional treat here and there. (For the record, our 10 days in Europe were filled with wienerschnitzel, chocolate and wine. And I do not feel bad about the .75 pound I gained while there).

Maybe it's just taken two years to get to the point where I really have grasped the importance of moderation--not only in what I eat, but in how I view this part of my life.

And for those of you that have checked in and asked how I was doing--who wondered about me--I truly appreciate it. Your encouragement made me smile and I promise--I'll try really, really hard not to disappear like that again.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Staring another road trip in the face...

Since I started trying to lose weight about a year and a half ago, I've noticed there are times it's really hard to stick to my healthy eating plan.

Holidays are tough. Birthdays are difficult. Weekends...some of them I've managed far better than others. But handling these has gotten easier and easier as I've moved forward.

Business trips, however, continue challenging me.

I don't know what it is...being away from home? A complete disruption of my routine? Is it all the eating out?

Do I kind of associate a work trip with a vacation? (I admit--I am far less judicious about my eating while I'm on vacation. In the past year, I've been fortunate to go to places like Hawaii and Paris. I'm not going to deny myself real mai tais or authentic pain au chocolats in places like those!)

Whatever it is--I start my work trips with the best of intentions. Last week's trip started with dinner at Longhorn...not so bad, I ordered grilled chicken with steamed veggies and rice. Lunch at Chick-Fil-A wasn't so bad either--grilled chicken sandwiches. But by my last night on the road, the idea of another grilled chicken breast made me want to pull my hair out.

So what did I order at our last dinner out?

A cheeseburger.

(Before you bring out your diet tar and feathers, I'll say I gave all my french fries to a coworker, cut the giant burger in half and only ate half of it.)

Overall--this last trip was an improvement over some of my past ones, but as I sit here, knowing that on Tuesday I'll be on the road again, I'm nervous. I don't want to give up one of my workouts with Ms. A. I don't want to want to eat the unhealthy food they have on-site. I don't want to squeeze workouts into whatever free time--if any--I have.

The good news is that this is the last business trip I'll be dealing with until October. And I've switched to a hotel that has a little mini-kitchen so I can at least have some healthy snacks and my own breakfast on hand (instead of the waffles and biscuits they'll be serving downstairs!)

It's not going to be the diet disaster other trips have been, but, I really can't wait until I'm home again and back to my routine--this time for a nice extended period of time.

Seriously--I haven't spent two straight weeks at home in...err, almost two months!