Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Mea culpa...

A negligent blogger.

I suppose I should change the title of my little internet pet project because yes, I understand, I have been away far, far too long.

I could throw excuses on the about the business trip that drained me of my energy, the month of May in which I worked hours upon hours, the overdue vacation that finally put my mind right. All have contributed to my extended absence.

But the biggest truth is that I've been tired. Tired of obsessing about my weight. Tired of countless workouts and measured meals. Tired of feeling obligated to sit down and pour my heart out when, well, I wasn't sure exactly what I was feeling.

The past month and a half has been a roller coaster, weight wise. I wouldn't be lying if I said it just wasn't one of my top priorities. Doing well at my job has become the newest obsession--particularly because my company announced they are laying off between 50-60 of us in my division.

So yes, I've been working out with A. But I've inhaled more than a few balls of raw cookie dough. Yes, I've started volunteering at the local humane society (the one activity on my weekly calendar that truly relaxes me!), but I've had lunches out with my fellow volunteers when our shift ends.

The number on the scale has stayed the same.

This hasn't bothered me. I need to schedule more thyroid testing very soon, but my body has changed and I am finally starting to accept that itself is a sign of progress.

I am getting more compliments on my weight loss from those who haven't seen me in a while. I am able to complete the progressively more challenging workouts A designs. A few weeks ago, I bought a sleeveless dress that is four sizes smaller than the size I was when I started my weight loss efforts.

This has been enough for me, for now.

Is it complacent? Maybe. Like I said, I'm tired of focusing so much energy on one part of my life. So I haven't blogged--because I haven't felt very inspiring or very strong.

But just as I have for the past two years, I carry on. I keep trying to eat well, I keep trying to exercise. I don't berate myself for an occasional treat here and there. (For the record, our 10 days in Europe were filled with wienerschnitzel, chocolate and wine. And I do not feel bad about the .75 pound I gained while there).

Maybe it's just taken two years to get to the point where I really have grasped the importance of moderation--not only in what I eat, but in how I view this part of my life.

And for those of you that have checked in and asked how I was doing--who wondered about me--I truly appreciate it. Your encouragement made me smile and I promise--I'll try really, really hard not to disappear like that again.