Friday, October 19, 2007

It's just a number, right?

You'll never believe what I did the other day.

I told someone--actually, a few someones--what I weighed.

I know to some people this isn't a huge deal. I read so many of the great weight loss blogs out there and am just so impressed with the way some people are willing to put their number out there.

But me? I would rather share my social security number and bank account number than tell people what I weigh. Or worse--tell them what I weighed when I started this journey. Which is why what I did the other day surprised me so much.

My friends and I were talking (okay, more like chatting back and forth via email), and I'm not even sure how, but we got on the topic of weight loss. And before long, after dancing around just how much weight I needed to lose and what the ugly numbers were, I decided to stop dancing.

And I told my friends what I weighed. I told them how much I had weighed when I started. I told them how much weight I still had to lose. And I told them the most embarrassing stat of all--that once, I'd been successful at losing weight. That I'd dropped 60 pounds before I got married and gained it all back in the 3 years after that.

Now let's be honest--my friends have seen me. They've seen pictures. They know I'm not at the weight I was when I walked down the aisle, but the numbers themselves tell the story.

Moments after I hit send, I had a momentary thought of horror. Were my friends sitting at their computers, mouths agape, thinking to themselves, "Holy jeez! I know she was fat...but I didn't know she was THAT fat!?!?"

But before long, the emails picked up and get this--suddenly, my friends started spilling their weights. What they weighed when they got married. How much weight they gained during their pregnancies. How much weight they wanted to lose. What their lowest weights had been, what their highest weights had been.

And you know what--it felt good. Almost liberating. We were all encouraging each other; no one said anything bad about anyone else or their number. It was one of those moments you really think, "Wow. I am so lucky to have such amazing friends!"

So I figured...it felt good to say it the other day, maybe it'll feel as good to say it here.

When I started this journey I weighed more than I ever have in my entire life...255 pounds. Now, I'm at 224 pounds. I've still got a long way to go, but I realized its time I let those numbers stop haunting me the way they do.

Because when all is said and done, they're just numbers. There's no reason to hide them. They don't define me as a person. They don't say anything about the kind of wife I am, the kind of daughter I am, or the kind of friend I am.

They're just numbers. And I'm not going to be afraid of them anymore.

11 comments:

Shannon said...

OMG you have lost 31 lbs?!!!! That is AMAZING!!!!!! Not too many people can say they are trying to lose weight and that they have already lost that much. You are really doing this and succeeding. Keep it up, you are doing great!!

Scale Junkie said...

WOW!! 31 pounds is amazing! You know reading your post made me realize how I've not listed my stats in my blog...I really need to find the courage to make this right. Thanks for being such an inspiration!

SarahA said...

You can imagine what it feels like that to day "I used to weigh 301 pounds!" People look at you like they want to say "That's what the circus freak fat lady used to weigh didn't she?"

Ummm no, just me. Seriously though everybody's mouths gape open when I openly tell them (I'm one of those who never gave a crap about saying the numbers) that I started at 301. I spent most of my 20's at 286.

That said, I didn't realize how close we were in weight. I'm at 230, your at 224. We're really right on the same track. What's your ultimate goal, I don't think I've ever read it.

Mimi said...

I heart you. Keep it up :)

Lynn said...

Thanks for having the guts to share, it really does feel good to have it out in the open. For me having the number posted on my blog helps me stay accountable.

Lora said...

You are SOO right CCC! The number on the scale does NOT define you! I think it's once we get past that notion that the other things fall into place.

And 31 pounds is something to be pretty darn proud of girl!

lizzytish said...

Hi CCC,

I know how you feel, Its humiliating to have lost weight and then gained it back plus some. I was 227 then got married and gained 73 pounds and am at my all time highest of 300 pounds. I know i lost it before but its so degrading knowing your heavier then you were when you first started. my highest weight before now was 267. Keep up the good work just think your not that far off from 199! Twenty somthin pounds left to loose! Wouldn't you love to say you weigh under 200 pounds. I will keep reading your blog feel free to read mine www.lizzytish-thewomanwithin.blogspot.com if you can add me to your page that would be great. It's nice to know i'm not talking to myself, and that other people are going through the same thing. Take care Liz

Gibbons-Camp said...

Congratulations on both the impressive progress and on a major positive step emotionally.

I've been noticing your comments on other blogs for some time, but this is my first visit to your site. I'm definately going to be a reader from now on!

Congratulations again!

Sonya said...

Hi!

I just found your post through scale junkie.

Congrats on telling your weight to your friends. I know that took a lot of courage for you! Do you feel free now?

My highest is when I started this journey. 245.8lbs. I love that I have to put the .8lbs in there instead of just rounding up to 246...lol...

Lowest weight was 151, but I think it stuck for a day! So here I am again.

Teale said...

I'm SO excited to see you post this. It's a total mental obstacle to get over to announce your weight to others, especially those we know in real life... but it feels good not to carry that secret around anymore! I finally told my fiance my weight, and I was embarrassed at first, but now I don't hesitate to step on the scale when he's in the bathroom next to me, because he knows what it is, and he gets just as excited as I do when he sees the numbers drop!

Heather said...

It is SOOO liberating and Im glad you did it. This is the first place I have ever put my number out there for all to see as well and I feel so good that I did. You should be proud of yourself.