Friday, July 6, 2007

Afraid to face the music

Last week, I was all talk.

I had perspective. I was proud of keeping my weight-gain under control on vacation. I was working out, I was ready to get back on track. It was on.

Okay, guess what? It's off.

For the first time since joining WW, I am deathly afraid of going to my weigh-in tomorrow. Why? Because this week has been nothing but challenge after challenge and I have not exactly risen to the occasion.

Saturday--a friend's birthday. Taquitos, quesadillas, margaritas and cupcakes. Monday--grandma's birthday. More cupcakes. Fourth of July--burgers as big as my head, chips, potato salad and oh yeah...even MORE cupcakes. (Let me just say it--I've been a cupcake whore this week!).

Let's just say yesterday was the first day all week I was comfortable with what I ate. I blew through all my flex points at Saturday's party. Wednesday's numbers were ugly.

And sure I've worked out, but every day I've gone to the gym I have had to drag myself. And I'm sitting on my bed right now knowing I should be on my way there now but I just don't have the mojo to go.

What's happened to me? Where did my motivation go? Has anyone seen my willpower? My ability to turn down cupcakes?

I just feel so lost and so afraid to face the music tomorrow. You think all of that would have me rushing to grab my workout clothes and get in the gym, but it's just not working that way. I'm at a complete and total loss. This was supposed to be the week I got back on track, put vacation behind me and got down to business.

For the past few weeks, as I've spoken with my friends who are working to lose weight, or I've posted on blogs about sagging motivation, I've always been full of encouraging words...ideas...suggestions.

Too bad right now it's so hard for me to listen to my own advice.

Okay, I am going to the gym. I am going to the gym. I am going to the gym...RIGHT NOW.


Livy said...

Isn't it amazing how much comfort we feel reading someone else's blog with their own struggles for motivation? I sigh with relief when I see others who are fighting the same fight as myself. I dont' have a gym. I have red dirt. I would kill to go to a gym, have to kids to watch, and really get in there and work my guts out.
Don't think so hard. Tomorrow, get up and make a decision to make good decions.
By the way....cake is my favourite food. I ate cake every single day on my holiday (you were sooo good on holiday!!). Mikaela asked me at some point what my favourite food was, and I had to say CAKE. Fuck, I could live on the stuff, so I totally understand the cupcake addiction. If you are a cupcake whore, I would hate to think of the language that would cover my cake addictions.

Big Momma Black said...

It be's like dat sometimes. Sometimes it is a struggle for me to not just open the fridge, stretch my mouth across it and inhale everything in there, baking soda and all. But I gotta keep punching. There is too much at stake.