Saturday, March 15, 2008

Trying to get back the mo...

I'll be 100% honest, with you, with myself.

For the past month, my head and my heart haven't been in my weight loss efforts. I spent roughtly three weeks in a hotel room on various business trips. Events from early in the morning to late at night meant I had little time to work out--even though I packed my gear with me. Heck, I couldn't even use my BB because my travel laptop wouldn't let me upload data with the USB cable. There were limited options for dining...and while yes, I tried to stick with things that were grilled or steamed or from the vegetable family, I know my diet was far from what I'm used to eating at home.

It was tough and so I took a break. I needed to in a way...just stop obsessing about weight loss, weight gain, my progress or lack thereof. I needed to regain some control in a way.

While I was gone, my last two weeks of prepaid WW membership expired. I'll be honest--I have yet to decide whether to continune with meetings. In the interim, I've set up an online membership. I'm still logging my meals, my points, etc. But I'm nervous that I'm not making a good decision.

Fact of the matter is, I keep going back and forth about a lot of things with this. I'm very my body? At myself? I don't know.

I know that in my 29-year lifetime, I have tried to lose weight multiple times. Never have I stuck with a program the way I have with this one (even if my last few weeks have been lackadaisical). Never have I worked this hard in the gym, in the kitchen as I have since I started trying to lose weight in September of 2006.

And never have I seen this kind of slow progress. It's maddening. I know I've posted that for a few weeks already, but I can't take my mind off it. 33 pounds in 17 months? It's not much of an incentive to keep going, yet I do.

I think that's why that break was so essential for me. But now that I'm back to normal hours, normal workdays and oh yes--being in my own home again!--I just don't have the drive I did before.

I am proud of myself because this week I went back to the gym and back to Pilates--for the first time in almost a month. Getting there was the toughest part. Now I just need to keep it going. Somehow, someway.


Lora said...

We all need a break now and can be frustrating.

How did your body bug thing work out?

Heather said...

good for you for getting to the gym! that is a step in the right direction. I think its undestandable that you needed to step away and take a break. sometimes that is needed to find out if you really want this and if you can be in it for the long run, or if its just not something you can dedicate your time and energy to. Im so glad that you choose to stay in the fight! if WW isnt for you, then Im sure you will find what is right for you. I spent so much time failing on WW That if I had just accepted that it wasnt for everyone and went to LAWL earlier, I would have saved a lot of time, money, frustration, and would probably have been at my goal weight a LONG time ago. so dont fear exploring what is right for you because you will find it, and I bet once you do, you will see your body reacting better than it is now. but there is nothign wrong with a slow took me a month to lose 2 pounds, so I know how it feels. glad you are back!

Teale said...

I'm struggling to keep my head & heart in the game right now too. I think we all have these struggles, so try to take comfort in knowing that this battle isn't yours alone. We are here to listen, encourage, etc. Use this tool! (And yes, I should take my own advice).

Erin said...

Oh my goodness...what a wonderful post. It's so true, that sometimes we just have to step back for a little bit to figure out why we're doing this in the first place. Lately, as I've checked blogs, I've realized we're all kind of coming to a big "I need a break!" realization. Posts are less frequent, the tones of our entries are kind of subdued and questioning...I think we're all just worn out, and that's okay.

I felt really guilty for letting my WW membership expire last spring, especially when I wasn't doing so stellar in the weight loss department (if it's any consolation, I've been at this for about 16 months and I've only managed to lose about 25 lbs. total), but then I realized it just wasn't right for me. Maybe it's served its purpose for you and now it's done.

Every time I come here and read, which I wish I did much more faithfully than I do now, I get inspired because you always are doing something good for yourself, no matter what. I personally think you're doing wonderfully, and you go about it so rationally and calmly and that's really what matters.

We'll get faltering step at a time.