Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I know what word rhymes with "stuck"...

...and it's the word I screamed (internally!!!) while standing on the scale last week.

I bet you know the word I was thinking of, don't you? Well, let's rule out some possibilities. It wasn't duck...or truck...or puck...or schmuck. Figured it out yet?

Okay, imagine your reaction after five days of relentless workouts, passing up treats and realizing you've only lost half a pound (after two straight weeks of gaining!) You wouldn't be happy, would you? Neither was I.

Sure, the weigher was all chipper and happy and "Yay! You lost half a pound!" but it took all my self control not to utter the word-that-rhymes-with-stuck while standing in her presence.

After two weeks of gaining and all the work I'd put in earlier that week, I was so upset. More upset when I realized over the past four weigh-ins--four weeks of dieting--all I've managed to lose was nothing. Exactly nothing. I weigh today, exactly what I weighed July 21.

While I can honestly say I'm not sure what happened with my last weigh-in (where I gained 4 ounces despite eating well and exercising), I know I was lucky to have some, any kind of downward progress this past week. Why? Because in the two days after Dobie's death, as I posted, I was a nutritional black hole.

If you were fried, covered in cheese or barbeque sauce, drizzled with chocolate or soaked in vodka, I was going to eat you. I didn't care what I put in my body. But less than 72 hours after losing my boy, I knew that the food wasn't helping me in any way and I got back together.

Two pilates classes in one week. Cardio and weights every other day. Not going over my points (Or telling myself I hadn't). And all I could muster was a half-pound loss? Gotta admit, it was disappointing.

But it was also eye-opening.

And it made me realize...while I can exercise my brains out, if I'm still taking in food that I have no business eating, exercise isn't going to make any difference. And maybe that's something I wasn't being honest with myself about while I've been stuck. Have I really, really counted every bite? Have I really, really measured everything out? Have I really, really journaled every day?

Or am I just coasting along, counting on my exercise to undo that bite of chocolate cake I had at my boss' birthday? Or am I figuring that because my muscles still ache from pilates it's okay to steal a few fries off Mr. CCC's plate?

Since that weigh-in on Saturday, I've tried to make sure I do keep track of everything. I'm writing down every bite before I even swallow. And if I go over my points for the day, I flip to the page in my journal where I mark off flex points and there they go.

To make this work, I need to be real. I need to be honest. I need to be as on top of my eating as I am on top of my exercise. Simple as that. I can't tell myself that because I don't weigh what I did when I started this journey that I've got a handle on this eating thing. Because I don't.

Maybe that's what's happening. Maybe I've just gotten comfortable. Or maybe I really am stuck on a plateau. I can't be 100% sure yet. I think this weekend will give me more of an idea. Here's to hoping there's not something more serious going on.

7 comments:

Marshmallow said...

Perhaps think of it this way - you've had two straight weeks of gaining. All of your hard work this week HAS paid off, since you've managed to swnig your body's momentum in the othe direction. It was going up and up, and now it's starting to go down. It's probably just at the rounding point, and will accelerate the more chance that you work your body the way that you have been.

Like you've said, there's heaps of things you can work on, and your body will reflect that hard work, but it needs time, especially when it's been gaining, going in the other direction.

Keep it up! Don't lose hope!

Lynn said...

Hey CCC - I know small losses and sts 's are hard especially when you are really trying to stay OP and get those AP's. All you can do is keep trying and be honest with yourself and the weight will come off!

I know you can do it :)

Cheer up and here's to another loss this coming week!

Chic Ink Designs said...

I'm right there with you ccc. This week I didn't lose a thing. But like you, I forgot to journal everyday, or would journal at the end of the day, and that forgettable glass of juice or those less than memorable crackers were left off the list. So I started journaling right after I ate, and making sure I was calculating the points BEFORE I stuffed it in my face. Another thing I did was make daily goals for myself. At the beginning of this week, I took my jornal and on each page, I wrote down that day's goal. eat all my veggies, have 2 fruits, walk, journal, etc. and so far its helping me stay on track. WOOP WOOP!

Livy said...

Don't beat yourself up over it. You have sat down and figured out what is going on, and that's a good thing. Sometimes, these things take time. I went up and down, up and down from 85 to 84.5kg for like 10 days before finally, the 84.5 stuck. Now, I am up and down, up and down from 81.5kg, but I ain't giving up. I agree with Marshmallow, even though you have every right to be annoyed, you are going down, it could have been worse!! Rome wasn't built in a day. Tomorrow will be better.

BigLoser said...

I had a similar issue when I first started working out. I actually thought I could eat whatevvvvvvver I wanted JUST because I was working out. It took me almost a month to realize I was only BS'g myself. So good for you for knowing already that being on top of your game involves working out AND eating right!

Next week is gonna be you're week to report the big loss!

Shannon said...

Hey CCC...I would say you have everything under control. I bet writing EVERY LITTLE THING DOWN will help. Something I noticed with my own body is that I HAVE to keep eating healthy, despite how many points something "bad" may have, I HAVE to stay away from the bad stuff. I try to take the philosophy that EVERYTHING going in has to be good, or it's not going in. I think of everything bad (no matter how many points, etc.) as counter-productive.

Just thought I'd throw that out there. Keep us posted on how this next week treats you!!

SarahA said...

I think being honest and real with yourself if the most important thing you can do. And trust me, I know how easy it is to bullshit yourself. I used to do it all the time. I used to say things like "I really walked today" and count it as exercise when I really leisurely strolled through the park. I used to think nibbles, bits and pieces didn't matter because they were so small. Who in the world did I think I was fooling? The only fool was myself, that's for sure.

That's the thing about weight loss. It's so much more than food and exercise. It's an emotional thing and you have to take a good hard look at yourself and let's face it, who wants to do that?

I'm glad you've come to this realization. If you've done anything this week, you've done that and you should be proud.