Grazing my way through the day...

I have to admit, when I'm nervous, or scared or emotional, my eating can go either way.

Sometimes, the mere thought of food when I'm bothered is horrifying. It doesn't help that on some occasions, when I've eaten while upset, I've gotten sick. So as I sat down to eat my lunch today at work, I quickly wrapped it up, put it back in the fridge and told myself I'd only get sick if I ate it. After all, with Dobie in surgery today, my stomach was doing its best impersonation of an Olympic gymnast. Flips and turns and somersaults all over.

But as I get ready to make dinner, I'm smacked in the face with the reality that no, I haven't had a big meal today (save breakfast), but I am just about completely out of points. There was the small order of fries I got from Mickey D's when I picked up my lunchtime salad. There was the yogurt I ate around 2 p.m.; the bag of chips I inhaled around 4 p.m.

I told myself at lunchtime that if I ate a full meal, I'd likely make myself sick. But I've probably inhaled more calories with my nervous grazing than I would have had I just eaten the darned salad. Where's the logical explanation there, CCC? Ah, right...there is none.

By skipping my lunch for fear of losing my lunch, I was powerless to stop the cravings when I got hunger pangs. And no, the damage wasn't horrific (I still do have 8 points left for dinner...) but I know what I did today wasn't healthy.

It was as if every time the phone rang, I jumped, expecting news on Dobie's surgery and when there was no news to get, I ate something. Anything. How that 100-calorie pack of cookies that is still sitting on my desk made it through the day I'll never know, but thank heaven for small miracles, right?

The only thing keeping me from losing my mind is the fact that in about 24 hours, all the worrying and stressing should be over. Dobie was a real trouper in surgery and the doctor said it went well. She found some smaller masses on his liver and spleen that she removed and sent to be biopsied, but she told us those could be nothing more than "old dog changes" since Dobie is a few months shy of his 7th birthday (rather old on the Doberman Pinscher scale).

But because Doberman's have blood clotting issues and Dobie has a heart condition, the next 24 hours are crucial. His body needs to adjust to what the doctors did and the doctor said she doesn't foresee any problems, but we need to get him through the next day.

To deal with the fact that I'll probably still be a nervous wreck tomorrow, I'm going to plan ahead.

Here's the gameplan:
1. Pack lunch. Not only will I save money, I'll save points (Since lunch will likely be a homemade sammich or a WW frozen meal).

2. Pack snacks with said lunch. Healthy, point-friendly snacks. This will deter me from inhaling another bag of tortilla chips that weren't even worth the points I spent on them.

3. Leave the money at home. If I don't have singles or change, I have nothing to use at the vending machine. If I have no money, I can't buy junk. If I need something, there's an ATM downstairs from my office that dispenses $10 bills. You can't use those in vending machines, so there!

4. Pack gym bag and return to workout routine immediately after work. I'm back into the groove, went yesterday, have Pilates class in the morning, but I skipped the workout today to go to the hospital and meet with Dobie's vet.

5. Distract myself with any and all things possible while at the office. Get work done, start on projects that aren't due for a while, email Mr. CCC and friends to avoid noshing. Heck, blog if I so see fit and I have a few minutes. Whatever. Just do not mindlessly eat.

That oughta do it, right? RIGHT! And I know my buddy's going to be perfect tomorrow evening and this long process will finally come to an end. With a saner CCC and a happier, healthier Dobie!